According to the Journal of Science, marital satisfaction decreases over time.
A happy marriage isn’t about perfect communication. It’s about making the relationship your number one priority.
In the second act of life you’re under so much pressure to accomplish and achieve. You’re forced to treat major milestones, like marriage, as task on your To-Do list to simply cross off.
You literally run out of time to invest in your relationship. BUT the truth is, if you want a happy marriage then you NEED to slow down and LISTEN to this message.
According to Willard Harley Jr., author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage, couples that spent 15-hours of quality time together per week were happy with their marriage.
But according to this poll, the average married couple spends a mere 2-2.5-hours together per week, watching T.V., catching up on chores, and eating.
The daily grind compounds the problem by zapping your mental energy. By the time you get home you're ready to mindlessly surf the Internet rather than reach for your spouse to connect.
NOBODY Wants A MEDIOCRE Marriage
You don’t want to purely exist together. You want a relationship like the one in the Notebook.
HOW? Between career demands and the shuttle service you provide for your kids, there’s NO TIME left in the day.
I know that’s how it seems, BUT that’s not the truth.
You have three choices: (1) do nothing and stay the same, (2) change your mind about wanting a happy marriage, or (3) do something different.
Build Your HAPPY MARRIAGE in 3 Simple Steps
Step #1: Slow Down. You have to evaluate what’s working and what’s not.
Have an honest discussion with your spouse about when you two were truly happy. What was different? Did you have a smaller home, less financial responsibility, or less demanding social calendar?
Step #2: Simplify. Look at what’s making your relationship suffer.
Are the extra curricular activities hijacking your couple time? Or is it your inability to say “No,” to chairing yet another committee that you don’t care about? Could it be the monsoon mortgage payment that keeps you bogged down with financial concern?
Step #3 Action Plan: Now that you understand what you need to change in order to get back to a happy marriage you get to formulate an action plan.
According to Timothy Ferriss, author of 4-hour Workweek, the steps in the plan should be made in consecutive order over the course of 3 days.
For example, let’s say you want to cut down on the number of rides you provide for your kids to 2 nights/week.
- Today: Collect email addresses for the parents of the teammates.
- Tomorrow: Send out possible ride sharing schedules and car-pool with other parents.
- The day after tomorrow: Let your kids know that after this semester they’re limited to one extra curricular activity per semester.
Create an action plan for each goal that you want to complete. Remember that the steps don’t have to complete the goal they simply have to get the momentum started.
If you want a marriage full of intimacy and connection than you have to focus on the relationship.
In the end, it’s just going to be the two of you. If you don’t grow WITH each other how do you know you’ll like the person you end up with in the third act?