Be the one that commands the attention.
How many times have you been at a party when someone comes in that commands the room’s attention and thought…Damn I wish that was me.
Turns out, it can be! Scientists prove that charisma is a trainable trait.
The game-changing step to becoming more magnetic is learning how to be present.
Think back to the last time you were in contact with a true charmer, I bet you felt connected and special—like you were the only person that mattered in that moment.
That’s because captivators understand the sheer power of being in the moment and by the end of this article you will too.
Did you know that the human mind reads facial expressions in as little as seventeen milliseconds?
This means that “fake” listening is impossible. As soon as your mind wanders, subtle subconscious facial movements and body language take place.
Whether your eyes gloss over or your affect has a slit second delay, the other person picks up on those indicators. AND know that you’ve lost interest.
You end up pissing off your friends, insulting your partner, or disrespecting your boss all because you're trained by society to be partially present.
A Distracted Nation
In a culture that encourages multitasking, it’s never been more difficult to pay attention.
In fact, according to a 2,250-person study from Harvard University, we miss out on 50% of our lives by not being present.
The world can be your oyster when you learn the art of being present.
Whether you want to climb the ladder or be the envy of the bar, tap into this lost resource and you’re one step close to getting what you want.
How Your Lack of Presence Affects Your Personal and Professional Life:
It’s seen as rude and inauthentic. Which basically means that nobody will trample over others to get to you nor will they trust you.
No matter if you’re trying to win over the guy, half listen to your wife’s sob story during the big game, or survive your boss’ boring story about his pregnant poodle during your daily ass kissing session, you’re a fraud and everyone’s subconscious knows it.
Good News: Presence is a Learned Skill
All you need is practice and patience.
Here are two SIMPLE practices to get you started:
Practice #1: Breath Meditation. This exercise is super easy. All you have to do is breathe.
Inhale and pay attention to how the air flows in and out of your body. Do that over and over until the time is up.
Start this practice for 30-seconds everyday for the first week, and then increase by 2-minute intervals every week after, until you can sustain focused attention on your breath for 5-6 minutes.
Practice #2: Chocolate Meditation (Yep-you read that right). Place a foiled Hershey’s Kiss in the palm of your hand. Take a few seconds and look at this tiny piece of goodness. Next, slowly peel back the wrapper and pay close attention to the increased chocolate aroma that fills the air.
Put the bit of heaven on your tongue and just let it sit. Notice the texture and taste. Slowly allow your mouth to move the chocolate around. Try and make it last for as long as you can. Make it a goal to have this exercise last at least 5 minutes.
When your mind wanders (and it will) just gently bring your awareness back to the exercise.
How Do You Know if You’re Fully Engaged?
3 Signs You’re In the Moment and Fully Engaged:
1. You feel what the speaker is describing. If they describe a moment of humiliation you experience signs in your body that only gross embarrassment could illicit.
2. You’re captivated. You’re so in the moment that you can experience what they are feeling inside their own body. Relaxed, irritated, or maybe stressed.
3. The story gets juicier. When the speaker feels your undivided attention he/she will become more and more vulnerable. It’s a beautiful process.
When you notice that you have trailed off, simply take in a deep belly breath and tune back in.
Yes, it’s that Simple.
Start this week and retrain your brain to stay in the moment.
Commit to 30-seconds a day for a week, and you’ll notice a difference. By the end of the second week others will take note. Go for the full 21-day challenge and you’ll be the person that commands the attention.
100% attention is extremely rare these days. That means that you can take advantage of this little trick and reap the benefits from your discipline.